THE LAUREN ULTIMATE BETHESDA PENTHOUSE REVEALED

The Lauren, which has stirred up a buzz about its future condominiums "from the several millions" on Hampden Lane at Bethesda Row, has now released more details about the most exclusive residence among the building's 25 units: the Penthouse.

You've got to give the marketing firm credit: The Lauren is generating more discussion than any other residential project in town. Even the backlash against the provocative PR campaign is simultaneously impressing The Lauren's "discerning" target audience with amenities that blow away any other luxury building in town.

The (extremely) wealthy future owner of this penthouse will be king or queen of a veritable castle overlooking downtown Bethesda.

Arrival will allow a choice of valet parking, or driving your Bentley directly into your own private space. Penthouse owners, as with other multi-bedroom units in The Lauren, will have 2 reserved spots.

For the auto enthusiast, The Lauren promises an optional car lift in your space, allowing you to work on that fix-me-up Lamborghini you've been meaning to get around to.

Want to check with the 24/7 concierge about where to dine tonight, or those tickets for the Bethesda Row Cinema? No? Then be whisked directly into your unit in your private elevator.

Exiting the elevator foyer in your penthouse, Jeeves awaits your coat, which he will place in the Coat Room - yes, a coat room like a fancy restaurant or club would have.

Would you like to sit at your own, full bar? Or retrieve a particular vintage from your wine "cellar" around the corner?

The formal living room looks out upon the Grand Terrace. Jeeves is flexing his fingers, ready to provide some background music on the grand piano, as you step outside into the evening air.

Have you hired a personal chef? You obviously can afford it! Would you prefer to dine in your Formal Dining Room, with seating for 10?

Ah, a more casual evening in mind? Paté will be just as delicious in the massive kitchen, that also seats 10 for in-kitchen dining.

The two fireplaces are roaring away.

Will you binge-watch a favorite program in your 9-seat home theater? Or review The Wall Street Journal in the Library?

Your iPad controls the temperature, electronics, and even the window shades throughout the penthouse.

The maid is doing your laundry in the Laundry Room - that's right, a room, not a closet.

Later, she will retire to her own studio apartment Maid Quarters within the penthouse, one of the 5 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms you have.

Of course, the Master Suite is the best of those, with its own outdoor Terrace, and study.

How about His and Hers closets (with Hers being twice the size of his)? You betcha.

His and Hers sinks. His and Hers toilets.

Don't like what you see in the His mirror? Or the Hers?

Whip yourself into shape in the Fitness Center downstairs.

Oh, why bother; you're so rich, it doesn't matter what you look like anymore.

Look at the peasants below, searching for a parking space (or an affordable apartment in downtown Bethesda).

Let them eat Georgetown Cupcake.

THE LAUREN ULTRA-LUXURY CONDOS TO REPLACE THE HAMPDEN APARTMENTS ON HAMPDEN LANE AT BETHESDA ROW (PHOTOS)

The Lauren, an ultra-luxury boutique condo building, could replace The Hampden apartments, a gravel parking lot, and two houses along Woodmont Avenue between Hampden Lane and Montgomery Lane.

A 7-story building with 22 large units, The Lauren aims to be downtown Bethesda's most exclusive address. Private elevator entrances, a Mr. Drummond-style rooftop terrace, and a 24-hour concierge are just a few of the amenities residents will enjoy.

An amendment to the existing site plan that would allow balconies has been submitted by prominent development attorney Jody Kline.

Although by no fault of the Lauren's developer, once again we witness not only the loss of existing affordable housing in downtown Bethesda, but the betrayal of decade-old promises by the county council.

Over ten years ago, the Arlington Road corridor was planned to have more affordable apartments. Ironically, it has ended up being home to - literally - the most expensive and exclusive residences in downtown Bethesda.

This is why I always say to ignore what Montgomery County councilmembers say, and pay attention to what they actually do.

They say they want young people to live in Bethesda.

But they're knocking down what little affordable housing is left. 

This is not as bad as the Battery Lane disaster. But it's worth doing the math, folks.

"Smart" growth advocates tell us overdevelopment is about creating affordable housing.

The Hampden currently contains 12 units with rents of $1100-1575.

The Lauren will house 15% MPDUs. With 22 units, that comes to 3 MPDUs by my calculation.

In total, then, this project represents a net loss of 9 affordable housing units in Bethesda.

Again, this is in no way the fault of the developer of The Lauren. It sounds like it's going to be a fabulous place to live, literally across the street from Bethesda Row.

The fault lies squarely with the planning and zoning decisions made by the county council - the buck stops there, at least in theory.

Here are some photos of what's there now, and some renderings of what The Lauren will look like:

TOLL BROS. BETHESDA LUXURY CONDO CONSTRUCTION SCHEDULE

Toll Brothers now has an official schedule for its City Living luxury condo project at Hampden Lane and Arlington Road, near Bethesda Row.

The 60-unit building will begin construction this September.

Toll Bros. will open sales April 14, 2014.

It expects first settlement in March 2015.

The developer anticipates the project will generate $67 million in revenue.

TOLL BROTHERS SITE CONFIRMED FOR HAMPDEN LANE IN BETHESDA

My speculation on the mystery site of a new, 7-story, 60-unit luxury Toll Brothers condominium has been confirmed as correct by one source.

The project reportedly will be at 4915 Hampden Lane. See my earlier post for more details.

ASSAULT REPORTED FROM WESTBARD CIRCLE IN BETHESDA SATURDAY

Another Robert Dyer @ Bethesda Row Exclusive

One day before a 21-year-old female jogger was sexually assaulted on the Capital Crescent Trail, an unspecified type of assault was reported to police a few blocks away.

Saturday's assault was reported from the 5300 block of Westbard Circle in Bethesda.  That is the Kenwood Place condominium complex off of Westbard Avenue.

The assault comes about a month after a pepper spray assault and robbery blocks away at Massachusetts Avenue and Baltimore Avenue.  There was also a recent robbery on Cammack Drive on October 6 [previously reported here], and a burglary in the 6000 block of Massachusetts Avenue on October 15.

An assault could simply be a domestic violence incident, or a fight between intoxicated individuals.  So Saturday's assault is not a cause for alarm, unless details emerge to suggest otherwise.  But given the serious nature of the nearby trail assault the following day, and the September pepper spray assault/robbery, any assaults reported in that area of Bethesda are worthy of attention.

In related news, Park Police are now conducting extra patrols along the CCT.  But the best advice at this time is to avoid using the CCT after dark.  Period.

WHY IS EVERY BRICK IN THE EXTERIOR OF THE CHASE CONDOS BEING REPLACED?

The latest mystery repairs to confound the curious in downtown Bethesda are at The Chase on Woodmont Avenue.

Covers shield exterior ventilation from dust and debris at The Chase

It seems like every brick in the building's facade is being painstakingly replaced.  I'm not an engineer, much less a mason, so I have no idea why this is being done.  I can't recall this happening at another building in Bethesda in my lifetime.

Where's Fix-it Felix when you need him?

Two notable points about this:  First, the last unit was finally sold in this building not long before this work began.  Ironically, one of the selling points to buyers was that the building had just been renovated.  So if you bought there, you probably thought you'd enjoy living without major maintenance projects for a while.  Guess again!

These masons don't just do windows...

...the brick replacement is quite extensive.

Second, I recall some discussion online about masonry tuckpointing at The Chase.  Again, I'm no expert on that, but that is an intermediary step taken short of a full brick replacement.  I cannot find that particular message board posting today - and of course, you can't trust anonymous postings online anyway.  The masonry reference didn't make much sense at the time.  But I wish I'd paid more attention to that discussion, given this new context.