Tuesday, June 11, 2013


The Lauren, which has stirred up a buzz about its future condominiums "from the several millions" on Hampden Lane at Bethesda Row, has now released more details about the most exclusive residence among the building's 25 units: the Penthouse.

You've got to give the marketing firm credit: The Lauren is generating more discussion than any other residential project in town. Even the backlash against the provocative PR campaign is simultaneously impressing The Lauren's "discerning" target audience with amenities that blow away any other luxury building in town.

The (extremely) wealthy future owner of this penthouse will be king or queen of a veritable castle overlooking downtown Bethesda.

Arrival will allow a choice of valet parking, or driving your Bentley directly into your own private space. Penthouse owners, as with other multi-bedroom units in The Lauren, will have 2 reserved spots.

For the auto enthusiast, The Lauren promises an optional car lift in your space, allowing you to work on that fix-me-up Lamborghini you've been meaning to get around to.

Want to check with the 24/7 concierge about where to dine tonight, or those tickets for the Bethesda Row Cinema? No? Then be whisked directly into your unit in your private elevator.

Exiting the elevator foyer in your penthouse, Jeeves awaits your coat, which he will place in the Coat Room - yes, a coat room like a fancy restaurant or club would have.

Would you like to sit at your own, full bar? Or retrieve a particular vintage from your wine "cellar" around the corner?

The formal living room looks out upon the Grand Terrace. Jeeves is flexing his fingers, ready to provide some background music on the grand piano, as you step outside into the evening air.

Have you hired a personal chef? You obviously can afford it! Would you prefer to dine in your Formal Dining Room, with seating for 10?

Ah, a more casual evening in mind? Paté will be just as delicious in the massive kitchen, that also seats 10 for in-kitchen dining.

The two fireplaces are roaring away.

Will you binge-watch a favorite program in your 9-seat home theater? Or review The Wall Street Journal in the Library?

Your iPad controls the temperature, electronics, and even the window shades throughout the penthouse.

The maid is doing your laundry in the Laundry Room - that's right, a room, not a closet.

Later, she will retire to her own studio apartment Maid Quarters within the penthouse, one of the 5 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms you have.

Of course, the Master Suite is the best of those, with its own outdoor Terrace, and study.

How about His and Hers closets (with Hers being twice the size of his)? You betcha.

His and Hers sinks. His and Hers toilets.

Don't like what you see in the His mirror? Or the Hers?

Whip yourself into shape in the Fitness Center downstairs.

Oh, why bother; you're so rich, it doesn't matter what you look like anymore.

Look at the peasants below, searching for a parking space (or an affordable apartment in downtown Bethesda).

Let them eat Georgetown Cupcake.

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